To detour from self-promotion, pop-cultural alienation, and failed stabs at humor, it must be noted that I am amazed daily that one of my cats is about to turn thirteen. This will be simple…the sort of thing one might read on an Elliot Smith fan’s blog.This (once) solid black, longhaired, somewhat overweight and big-boned (he’s a BIG cat) asshole makes a frequent [...]

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OFFICIAL, OFFICIAL, OFFICIAL, OFFICIAL ENOUGH!?!?!?!

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1. Anton choking on the peanuts during the “so, you married into it” exchange.2. Tasteful use of the transponder.3. It’s not near as violent as the reviewers, especially the ninnie that wrote about it for Slate, would have you believe.4. It’s a tour of proto-sprawl motels circa-1980.5. (Goof) Mid-80’s K-Car in motel parking lot.6. This [...]

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So while I'm looking for a new place, life, and work, goes on. In recent days, I've picked up a guidebook gig, and one of the chapters I have to do is museums. Which is great: I love museums, and if I had it to do all over again, I might well give in to the impulse I had in my teens to go to musem school and wind up making some dough. I've always loved the way a museum, properly done, is an alternative way of arranging knowledge. I'm used to doing it with words, but museums have to do it with objects. Just as there is with a book or essay, there's an implicit agenda in a musem's ordering of objects: a curator is arguing a position, and the viewer is obliged to sort out the information and react.

I started on Tuesday with a visit to the Deutsches Historisches Museum because although I've been to a bunch of shows in its I. M. Pei annex, I had yet to see the new permanent collection in the main building itself. Plus, I woke up that day feeling depressed and decided, on the principle of the blues, that immersing oneself in another's misery might make me feel better.

Dunno if it worked, actually; I left the place feeling like my head was going to explode. But that's getting ahead of myself. The permanent collection is divided in two: Roman times to World War I upstairs, and postwar through reunification downstairs. Right off the bat, there's something odd, in that prehistory isn't even touched on, and, thanks to the Neander river valley, if nothing else, Germany has a starring role in that. And anyway, those Germanic tribes must've come from somewhere. But you're only a few meters inside by the time the Christians come on the scene, and the long road to the Holy Roman Empire isn't far away. And so you stroll, as Teutonic knights head off to the Holy Land, Martin Luther nails his theses to the church door (an event the captions claim almost certainly didn't happen), the French fight the Germans, the Germans fight the French, the Austrians fight the Turks, the Swedes fight the Poles, the Germans fight the French, the French fight the Germans, the Germans fight with themselves, and here comes the Congress of Vienna! Pretty soon it's time for the Industrial Revolution, paintings give way to photographs, there's a nice little pair of rooms up a flight of stairs with Jugendstil stuff in them, with a film of German soldiers jamming into trains on their way to the front playing on the downstairs wall just inches away. Next thing you know, you're back on the landing and it's time to go downstairs.

I went through the downstairs rather quicker than I would have liked to; closing time was looming in an hour or so, and I also knew this part of the story better than I did the other half (not that I knew the first half much better after a couple of hours with it, for which I blame my education as much as anything). I also had more tools with which to assess the artifacts, and I have to say, the collection is amazing. Also, the way they partition the post-war stuff the way the country was partitioned is done extremely well; you can see the stuff on the other side, but getting there is another matter, although it's easily enough achieved, of course. (I should mention, though, that the struggle to end the DDR is infinitely better-presented at the almost-unpronounceable-by-non-Germans Zeitgeschichtlisches Forum Leipzig, which is almost reason enough to visit Leipzig all by itself).

But as I walked out into the dark of Unter den Linden, I was experiencing a sensation not unlike vertigo because of all of the captions I'd read. Now, there was a time when all of Berlin's museums' captions were in German only, and there was no way to know what was going on unless you could read German. (Lest this seem a bit of xenophobia, I invite you to go into your nearest American museum and see how much information there is in any other language but English). Now, however, as Berlin's museums are slowly integrating collections divided by the Wall, bilingual German and English captions are showing up. The weirdest of all, though, are in the DHM, which erupt into inexplicable italics every now and again. And it's not because the words are untranslatable German ones like Heimat or Lebensraum, because they're not. They're just random words italicized (a practice I've now demonstrated enough and will cease; you're welcome), in both the German and the English texts. I don't get it, but it sure does slow you down.

The next day I went to the Bode-Museum, which is practically my next-door neighbor. I had no idea what was in it, because back before it got dome-to-dungeon redone, the best anyone could tell me was "coins and stuff." Well, the coins are still there, but so is a load of Byzantine and medieval and early renaissance sculpture, painting, and bits of architecture. I made the acquaintance of the amazing woodcarver Erasmus Grasser, who flourished in Munich between 1474 and 1518, and was boggled by an entire room of stuff by Tilman Riemenschneider, whose ability to represent facial expressions and even emotions is unparallelled in his time. The Bode is all about space, which is why it's particularly good for sculpture; there are two domes letting daylight in, and a gigantic "basilica" with "chapels" on the sides which allow for the display of groupings of renaissance and baroque religious statuary, paintings, and altars.

Here, the captions weren't annoyingly italicized, and for the most part the English was pretty good. Well, until the one where it really wasn't. My eyes were glazing over on the second floor, what with an oversupply of baroque bronze sculpture, but I did stop to read about how they were mass-produced, and I came upon this: "The bronze-smith then prepares the metal to be porn into the mould at this time." The "then...at this time" is bad enough, but...ummm... The piece used to demonstrate this is a naked statue of Mars, anatomically correct, and the first thing that came to my mind was that it isn't porn til it's poured.

This leads me to give voice to what I'll call Augustine's Complaint, because it's been voiced over and over by reader and commenter here Steven Augustine. There are tons of underemployed writers and editors, native English-speakers, here in Berlin. Pay us to proofread this stuff, and we'll turn it into idiomatic English that won't embarrass you. Really. We may not have doctorates in English, but we do read and write it quite fluently, idiomatically, and we offer really, really affordable rates. However, time and again, it's the "qualified" Germans who render this English text, and it shows. I'm reminded of a friend of mine who wrote for a (now defunct, I hope) terrible magazine published by Berliner Tourismus und Marketing for distribution in hotels which were BTM members, called Berlin|Berlin. It was German and English...sorta. My friend, a journalism school graduate, raised bilingually in America, and veteran of some of America's top magazines, wrote an article for them and was told by the editor that her English was terrible. The "corrected" article, of course, was a total howler.

At any rate, I ended this week's museum-going at the Pergamon, whose holdings aren't of as much interest to me, although it's swallowed the Museum of Islamic Art from West Berlin, and you can't help but be awed by a museum that contains not just artifacts, but whole complexes of ancient buildings and a huge hunk of the city wall of Babylon itself. There, the English captioning is often inscrutable and nearly always polished for maximum dullness. They're going to do renovations there in the not-too-distant future, and I wonder if this will mean dealing with this problem. Probably not; they have a reputation to uphold, after all.

Building a music career is hard work. Every day, month and year you repeat the same grind: build the band, write the songs, record the songs, rehearse the songs, perform the songs, promote the band, advertise the band, solicit industry, publicize to the press, build the website, create the message boards, forums, and chat rooms, assemble the street team…it goes on and on until you think your head will surely explode from the mountains of menial tasks that face you, the unsigned artist, each day.

Still, after putting in all of that work a band will hit dry spells, slow times and glass ceilings. Some days, your already slow move forward, seems to retard even further. Sometimes it feels as though you’ve peaked and will never advance. There are even days you want to blow off all of this tedious monotony, get a job in the electronics department at Target, and call it a day!

But even as your face is smushed up against the glass ceiling of a never-changing cycle of music business grunt work, hope is just over the horizon. See, there is something that you never stopped to think about all the while you were chasing the elusive brass ring of music stardom…all of this time, you were in control. If opportunities have stopped coming your way, then make your own. If you want to be a rockstar, develop a situation you can star in and rock. You have the power and the ability to be anything and everything you have ever wanted to be if you learn to simply create your own buzz.

The following are a few tips that may help you to get started creating your own buzz in order to push past the obstacles and keeping moving down the Yellow Brick Road of musical superstardom:

1.) Create Your Own Gigs---Tired of whining that you never get the gigs you want? You know: good clubs, weekend shows, prime slots, longer sets, decent pay, good bands on the bill, press attending, industry confirming and most importantly, your band headlining. It’s ridiculous to waste time complaining, when you could be booking, planning, promoting and playing your dreams gigs right now. Sure it will be a lot of time invested and it may mean putting smaller gigs on hold for awhile in order to promote one giant show, but the payoffs will inevitably outweigh the work…and the best part is, it’s all about you. You are the promoter. You are the stars of the night. You pick the date, the times, the bands. You invite the press and the industry. Within a month or two, you could be playing the types of gigs you have always wanted, and all the while getting press, making money, collecting names for your mailing list and building hype for your band that even the stodgiest industry can take notice of.

2.) Join The Ranks Of The Press And/Or The Industry---You know what they say…if you can’t beat them, join them. If you want to get industry or press to notice you and your band, what better way than to become a member of the industry or press. Pick up a gig writing for a local magazine and review your friends’ bands and the shows you promote. Intern at a record label and meet friends in the industry to invite to your gigs. Start a management/promotion company and book your band and your friends’ bands to become better acquainted with clubs and their booking agents. You’ll find it will be much easier to deal with industry people when they consider you more of a peer and not just another band asking for help.

3.) Numbers, Numbers, Numbers---It may sound ridiculous but in the entertainment industry (as in any business), your perceived worth is tracked by your numbers. Web posters, gig patrons and listeners of your music all translate to numbers and the big ones impress fans and industry alike. If you want club bookers, managers, magazine editors and A&R to notice you then make sure your numbers are up. Web hits, fan group members, online community friends and people on your personal mailing list all add up to your bankability as a band so keep driving those numbers up and watch the doors swing open wide for you.

4.) Teach, Volunteer, Take Classes, Join Groups---If you want to meet new people, gain different opportunities, and find fresh ways to obtain your goals, then get out where people are doing what you seek and mingle. If you play and instrument, start teaching and get to know the bands of your students. If you see big events happening in your town, volunteer to work them and get to know the management, talent and audience alike. Take classes and join music organizations not only to learn but to network. There is a whole world of entertainment people out there. Get to know some of them and make those folks a part of your band’s promotional circle.

By following these tips and others soon you will find that your band is enjoying the opportunities and buzz you were only dreaming of before. Best of all, you’re now in charge of your own career and musical destiny; creating profitable situations for yourself. You are playing good shows and coming home with money in your pocket. You are selling your own product to pay for band expenses. You are filling your press kit with reviews, interviews and mentions of your band. You are meeting people and building your mailing list. You are establishing your reputation as an important member of the artistic community. No longer waiting to be thrown a chance by some industry member, you have taken command of your musical destiny and cast yourself as the star of your own show. Now, don’t you feel better?

Sheena Metal is a radio host, producer, promoter, music supervisor, consultant, columnist, journalist and musician. Her syndicated radio program, Music Highway Radio, airs on over 1,000 affiliates to more than 126 million listeners. Her musicians’ assistance program, Music Highway, boasts over 10,000 members. She currently promotes numerous live shows weekly in the Los Angeles Area, where she resides. For more info: http://www.sheena-metal.com.

Every musician currently living on the Planet Earth would love nothing more than to wake up tomorrow in the midst of their glorious peak of superstardom. But, as Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither is the career of any one musician. A musical career is a long, sometimes arduous journey of tiny advances and minor setbacks filling the fragile shell of big breaks and huge disappointments. It’s up, it’s down, it’s all around and hopefully, as time passes, you can see the course of your career building up slowly through weeks and months and years of steady progress.

But how can you tell if your career is actually going somewhere? How do you know if you’re really getting closer to your musical dreams? How can you determine whether or not you’re on the right path? How do you know what to focus on in the immediacy and what paths can be left for another time when you are better equipped to tackle them creatively and concretely? While there is no one set way achieve rock superstardom, the clearest way to realize musical success is to simply set goals.

As mundane as it may seem, setting goals, both long and short-term, for your musical project lends the same kind of structure and discipline to your career that an athlete would use to train for the Olympics. Realistic goals enable you to build your band’s list of accomplishments the way a runner builds his muscles… pumping up your musical achievements as you lift off the weight of each entertainment roadblock. And the good news is that you can start today. At any time you may put into effect a list of goals, large or small, aimed at boosting your career in any given area.

The following are a few tips that will help you to set some goals so that you may get on your way to achieving all that you want from your music and the entertainment industry in general:

1.) Set Goals You Can Achieve---Nothing is more depressing for an artist than setting lofty goals for yourself and your music only to bottom out with hopelessness when none of the goals are achieved by the deadline. So, much of what keeps artists plugging away in the industry, against all odds, is the positive re-enforcement of feelings of accomplishment. Keep that upbeat mojo going by setting goals for your band that you can absolutely actualize with lots of elbow grease and some good creative flow. Take a minute to assess each potential achievement and put a realistic time allotment on it so that you’re setting yourself up to succeed and move onto the next musical goal.

2.) Keep Your Eyes On The Prize---It’s all well and good to set goals just to see if you can do them, but if you’re ultimate goal is to be a big ole humongous rockstar, then try and set goals that will help you on your way to a Rolls Royce, a Bentley and a 2,000 square foot infinity swimming pool. Set a goal to get one article of press each month, to book a decent gig every two weeks, or to update your website daily. Give yourself six months to finish your full-length album, three months to raise the money for your band’s t-shirts or a year to find a good manager to pitch you to labels. Each one of these goals is a great achievement on its own but also an important piece in getting your band where you eventually want it to be. So it’s a win/win for your career, any way you slice it, and the feelings of accomplishment will certainly empower you to keep pushing on in the ever-frustrating music business.

3.) One Goal At A Time---It’s okay to have twenty goals on the table but they should be lined up in order of immediacy and priority so that each one is given their own individual time. Trying to work too many angles at one time may jumble your ability and focus, and leave you at your deadline with six or seven goals only partially achieved. In an industry so dependant on "what have you done lately," it’s always a good thing to get a goal completed in a timely manner and move onto the next so that the outside world sees a band that is always accomplishing things, always achieving, and always succeeding.

4.) If At First You Don’t Succeed---No matter how hard you try, there will always be goals that elude you past your self-imposed deadline. While it’s good to discipline yourself into a regiment of goal-setting/achieving, don’t beat yourself up if circumstances beyond your control lead you to fall short on a deadline or two. The most important thing is that you realize your goal. Secondary to this, is for you to accomplish your goal in a timely fashion. So, put your emphasis on the success and the positive achievement and don’t give up on your music and your goal if the deadline rolls around prematurely.

Once you set a line of goals in front of you, it’s easy to focus on achieving rather than worrying about failing. As you begin to achieve goals, you can rely on the confidence of all you’ve done and dismiss the angst of worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. You’ll never be able to accomplish everything all at once, so why not relish the successes that you can manifest immediately whilst dreaming of the goals you still have yet to achieve. Don’t waste time. Sit down after you read this and scratch out a list of goals, each with its own timeline. Find something you can accomplish today for your music, something you can get done by tomorrow and something terrific you can nail down by the end of the week. Your band will look better to industry and fans alike and, most importantly, you’ll look and feel great to yourself and your music. RockSuperstardom awaits! Start knocking back those goals and kick the music biz in the butt, one positive achievement at a time!

Sheena Metal is a radio host, producer, promoter, music supervisor, consultant, columnist, journalist and musician. Her syndicated radio program, Music Highway Radio, airs on over 2,000 affiliates to more than 126 million listeners. Her musicians’ assistance program, Music Highway, boasts over 10,000 members. She currently promotes numerous live shows weekly in the Los Angeles Area, where she resides. For more info: http://www.sheena-metal.com.

Though other outlets, probably Pitchfork and definitely the Matador Records web site, will be announcing this over the next week and a half, I’m here to break the news that Andrew Earles and Jeffrey Jensen have finally signed to Matador Records, under the artist moniker, “Earles and Jensen.” What this means:Earles and Jensen Present: Just [...]

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Blue Ash's song "Can't Get Her Off My Mind" appears at 1:51 of the trailer. It was written by Frank Secich & Bill Bartolin and performed by Blue Ash."Smother" is a soon to be released
comedy starring Liv Tyler, Dax Shepard
and Diane Keaton.

Here's the link!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=DdxLUW8Wscc